Familia Perez: advice....

i was asked recently about my situation when i was 16 and what i would change or do differently, and i have been asked multiple times... so i thought i would post it

There are lot's that i would have done differently. i can't say for sure if i would have given her up because i know her and have raised her for 9 years so saying that i would give her up (after knowing her) is different. i do know that it is HARD. mind you, your not 16. your life will forever change... and because you are single it's going to be double hard. there will be no going out when you want, friends will change, and everything in life will become 5X harder.

the only reason i survived is because my parents basically raised my kids while i tried to go to school and get my life in order. when it's not hard you'll have guilt eating away at you because your not doing it "right", or your secretly wishing this kid would go away after sleepless nights but the day still starts in the morning whether you've slept or not, whether your sick, tired, hurting ect. there is no one to help, to take turns when your ready to snap. everything as you know it will change.

if you think you resent him now, in your tummy, it will only get worse as it gets harder.

i'm not saying you won't love that baby with all your heart, cuz you will. and i'm not saying you should give the baby up, but i am saying that you need to be prepared. do you have support? do you have a job and day care lined up? do you have finances available cuz kids are sure not cheap.

i was adopted (thanks to your mom actually) and i always thought "i would never give a kid up" BUT if our birth moms hadn't given us up then my amazing parents who are truly the most amazing parents and grandparents would never have had children, and never got to experience parenthood. and i know more than one family like that. life is not fair.

i have met my birth mom, and she's awesome, but i am glad that she gave me up. not that i wouldn't have loved her or her family but they definately had a harder and different life than me. i had an awesome childhood... probably almost perfect. because my parents were READY, praying for a baby, hoping with everything. where as i just kind of had it given to me, cuz i screwed up. i take my kids for granted. i'm a stressed mom, and i'm hard on jaylene. i don't know why, maybe it was becuz we are to much alike, or that my ex resented her, or that we basically grew up together but as much as i hate to admit it, i'm to hard on her. she went through a lot in her little life that she shouldn't have. and the only reason it got better for me and my 2 oldest is because we lucked out and found a GREAT guy, that showed us a different life. a normal life, a steady life.

i have a great relationship with my birth mom, and know her and her family. i told my mom that it felt kind of like an in-law family.

but still, my 2 oldest still have the drama of 2 families. and it doesn't matter if they are both great families. it's hard, and a lot of work, emotionally and physically (that nobody sees) kids get pulled back and forth and although the dad says he doesn't want anything to do with him, he can come back at any time and fight to see him.

so i guess my biggest thing i would advise is to REALLY think about your little baby, and the life you want for it and yourself to have. take your emotions completely out of it. i

didn't, i was selfish in thinking it would be like a doll and we would have a great time. i was naive.

good luck! it's hard, but whatever happens, your strong enough to do it.

pictures in a nut shell

(excuse the quality.. they are pictures of pictures)

16 year old us